Stromness Hotel: Your Orkney Island Escape Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a review of Stromness Hotel: Your Orkney Island Escape Awaits!, and honey, it's gonna be a wild ride. I'm talking honest opinions, maybe a few tears (happy ones!), and enough stream-of-consciousness to make a river blush. Let's get messy!
First Impressions…and the Orkney Magic
Alright, first thing's first: Orkney. Orkney. Just the word conjures up images of windswept cliffs, ancient stones whispering secrets, and a raw, untamed beauty that grabs you by the soul. Stromness Hotel definitely delivers the Orkney vibe. It’s not some slick, soulless chain hotel (hallelujah!), it's got that cozy, lived-in charm, like a good friend’s place. (Or a slightly-too-enthusiastic aunt's, okay?). The location is perfect. Right there in Stromness port, you can practically smell the sea air (and maybe a hint of fish and chips, which is also a win, right?).
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag of Brave Smiles and Bumpy Roads
Okay, let's get real about the nitty-gritty. Accessibility. This is where things get a little… unpredictable. They DO list Facilities for disabled guests, which is good! But there's a lot more to unpack. The website isn't the most transparent (and let's be honest, who loves searching for accessibility info?), so I'd strongly recommend calling and asking specifically about ramps, elevators (listed, phew!), and room configurations.
I didn’t personally NEED full-on accessibility, but just imagining trying to navigate some parts – like, say, the uneven cobblestone streets outside the hotel (which are glorious, don't get me wrong) – I can see how it might pose a challenge. Elevator is a huge plus, but always confirm the specifics because the devil is in the details.
The Wonderful World of Amenities (and a Few Quirks)
Alright, now for the fun stuff! The hotel throws a LOT at you.
Internet Access: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Praise the Wi-Fi Gods! I mean, let's face it, in the modern age, it's a necessity. Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services these are things they do have. Wi-Fi in public areas: Worked pretty well in the lobby and bar, but the connection in my room was a little spotty at times. (Guess the Orkney wind likes to mess with signals, who knew?)
Rooms: Okay, my room was… charming. Clean, yes. Comfy, absolutely! The non-smoking rooms is a major plus for me. Air conditioning, though, wasn't in my room which would've been an issue in a hot summer. The blackout curtains were a godsend for those long Orkney summer days (or nights – time gets a bit blurry up there!), and the coffee/tea maker was a lifesaver for early morning adventures. The bathroom? Good water pressure, which is a MUST in my book. Some rooms have the bathtub, seperate shower/bathtub, additional toilet, which is great!
Things to Do/Ways to Relax: This is where Stromness Hotel shines. The Spa/Sauna! Oh, bless. After a day of hiking and exploring (the gym/fitness center seemed to be a bit more of a basic setup, but I didn't even bother), a soak in the spa was just what the doctor ordered. They offer a Body scrub, Body wrap, Gym/fitness, Foot bath, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool [outdoor], but not all of them are on premises. Be sure to check which ones. The view from the sauna was pure, unadulterated relaxation. I swear, I almost drifted off to sleep just thinking about how good the water felt. (And yes, I have a confession. I may or may not have spent an unreasonable amount of time just staring at the view from the pool…) This is THE highlight for me
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Okay, listen, I love food. Love it. Stromness Hotel does a pretty decent job. Restaurants, coffee shops, and a bar on site. Now, for my personal fave! The breakfast buffet. Okay, it's not a Michelin-star experience, but its a Breakfast [buffet], which I like. There were the usual suspects: bacon (crispy!), eggs (fluffy!), pastries (delicious!), and coffee (strong!). And the views! The Breakfast [buffet], with a breathtaking ocean view, just made my mornings. I also grabbed a few snacks at the bar.
Dining, drinking, and snacking The restaurants include: a A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, bar, bottle of water, coffee/tea in restaurant, desserts in restaurant, international cuisine in restaurant, poolside bar, salad in restaurant, soup in restaurant, vegetarian restaurant, western breakfast, which is great!
Cleanliness and Safety: Okay, let's get serious here. Cleanliness and safety are paramount. For me, the fact that they are taking it seriously is something. Anti-viral cleaning products, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment, these are all great things and they have a lot of them.
Services and Conveniences: This is where the hotel really covers all the bases. Cash withdrawal, concierge, daily housekeeping, dry cleaning, elevator, gift/souvenir shop, invoice provided, ironing service, laundry service, luggage storage, safety deposit boxes, smoking area, terrace, are all great.
For the Kids: If you're traveling with little ones, Family/child friendly is a plus. Though the listing is light on details.
Getting Around: Airport transfer, bicycle parking, car park [free of charge], car park [on-site], car power charging station, taxi service, valet parking, make it easy.
Quirky Observations, Minor Flaws, and Unforgettable Moments:
The Staff: The staff? Lovely. Friendly, helpful, full of Orkney charm. They're not perfect – there were a few mix-ups with my room service (but hey, it happens, right?) – but their genuine warmth made up for it. The front desk, the bartenders, the housekeeping staff – all great!
The Room Decorations: I'm a sucker for character. The room decor was a bit… eclectic. Felt a little dated, though. A little bit like a slightly-well-worn nautical theme, but it worked.
The Imperfection: I am not an expert, so I did struggle to find some things. Some things could be improved!
My Overall Verdict:
Stromness Hotel is not perfect. It's not the slickest hotel in the world. But it's real. It's charming. It's comfortable. It's ideally located. And it's a perfect base camp for exploring the breathtaking beauty of Orkney. I'd go back in a heartbeat.
SEO-Optimized Conclusion & Persuasive Offer (AKA, How to Get You to Book Now!):
Headline: Escape to Orkney! Stromness Hotel: Your Perfect Island Retreat Awaits! (Plus Insider Tips!)
Body: Ready to experience the magic of the Orkney Islands? Stromness Hotel offers the perfect home base for your adventures! Nestled in the heart of Stromness, our hotel boasts stunning views, comfortable rooms, delicious dining, and a spa with a view that will melt your stress away. (Yes, the sauna is as good as it sounds!)
Here's why Stromness Hotel is your Orkney calling:
- Prime Location: Explore the historic town of Stromness, with easy access to ferries, local shops, restaurants, and galleries.
- Cozy Comfort: Relax in our well-appointed rooms, many offering breathtaking sea views.
- Delicious Dining: Savor fresh, local cuisine at our restaurant, and enjoy a drink at our vibrant bar.
- Unwind and Recharge: Indulge in our spa facilities, including a sauna, steam room, and [list of amenities]
- Orkney Adventure Starter Pack: Easy access to ancient sites, stunning beaches, whale watching, and island hopping experiences.
Book Your Orkney Escape Today!
Get 15% off your stay when you book directly through our website and add the code ORKNEYMAGIC at checkout! Plus, receive a complimentary welcome drink upon arrival!
**Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity to experience the beauty and wonder of the
Doukissa Paros: Your Dream Greek Island Escape Awaits!
Okay, buckle up buttercups. We’re going to the Stromness Hotel. Not just to it, mind you, we’re living it. And trust me, this ain't gonna be some pristine, Instagram-filtered adventure. This is the real, slightly-stained tea towel of a trip.
Stromness Hotel: A Misadventure in the Making (Or, Possibly, a Glorious One)
Day 1: Arrival, Or, The Ferry From Hell (That Wasn't Actually Hell, Just Kinda…Grey)
Morning (Vaguely Defined): Stumble out of bed in Glasgow. Did I pack enough socks? Probably not. Always forget socks. The journey starts with a train to Scrabster, and let me tell you, the train journey was… well, a train journey. Mostly grey skies, the occasional sheep, and the gnawing feeling that I’d forgotten something crucial. (Spoiler alert: I had. It was that charger thingy for my camera. Argh.)
Afternoon (The Ferry!): The ferry. Ah, the ferry. People say it’s the gateway to Orkney. I say it’s a floating metal box of varying degrees of motion sickness potential. The wind was howling. The waves were judging. I spent most of the crossing staring fixedly at the horizon, praying to the god of ginger biscuits and dry land. On a plus note, the ferry served surprisingly decent coffee. A small victory.
Late Afternoon/Early Evening (Stromness Arrival & Check-In): We arrived after a four-hour crossing. The Stromness Hotel. Majestic. Solid-looking. I had a surprisingly emotional response to the sea. A deep, primal connection perhaps. Like a long-lost relative, or a particularly smelly dog. The check-in was…well, it was fine. The receptionist was a lovely lady with a twinkle in her eye and a name I've already forgotten. My room? Cozy, a bit like being in a really well-furnished shoebox. But the view! Holy mother of…the harbour! Boats bobbing, seagulls screeching (a soundtrack I've learned to love), and the sense of being somewhere. Yes, this is good. This is very good.
Evening (Pub Crawl and the Mysterious Pint): The Stromness Hotel has a pub! Brilliant! I swear, I’d crawled into the pub, starving, parched, and ready for a deep dive. First pint: Perfection. Second pint: I'm a genius. Third pint: The conversation with Graham (fellow traveler - I have a friend!). We bonded over haggis, neeps, and tatties and a shared loathing of instant coffee.
Night (Dinner Disaster, Maybe?): Dinner in the hotel restaurant was a disaster. The mussels were tough and gritty. The service was slow. But the company was good. We laughed about it, mainly because there wasn't anything else to be done.
Day 2: The Heart of Orkney (And My Surprisingly Strong Legs)
Morning (Skara Brae and a Spiritual Awakening): Skara Brae. Prehistoric village! The sheer wonder of it hit me like a tidal wave. Standing there, imagining people, living, loving, existing five thousand years ago… it's humbling. Inspiring. Suddenly, my own minor life problems seemed, well, minor. This place is magic. I am transported. We had a guided walk that took us up the coast. Gorgeous.
Afternoon (Ring of Brodgar and Another Kindred Spirit): The Ring of Brodgar. Majestic. Mystical. Enormous! I walked around with a fellow tourist, a woman named Anya. We had a long chat about life, loss, and the ridiculousness of modern politics. Anya and I bonded. This is why travel is good.
Late Afternoon/Early Evening (The Italian Chapel and Tears): The Italian Chapel. Oh, God. This place. Italian POWs. This chapel. The art. It was, frankly, too much for me. I cried. Uncontrollably. It's beautiful, and sad, and moving, and brilliant. A real gut punch to the emotions.
Evening (Back to the Pub, This Time Prepared): Back to the pub, with a renewed appreciation for everything. The Guinness was extra smooth. I feel a little bit "full" as a human; and a little bit happier.
Day 3: Saying Farewell (Or, Goodbye Until Next Time Because I Will Be Back)
Morning (Stromness Stroll & Souvenir Snafu): A wander through Stromness. Cobbled streets. Cute little shops. I bought a jumper so thick it could probably withstand a nuclear blast. I bought shortbread. I nearly bought a miniature puffin, but sanity prevailed. (Almost.)
Late Morning (The Hotel and a Bittersweet Farewell): Packing. Always a bittersweet experience. The prospect of leaving the hotel. The delicious breakfast was the final kick in the gut. I've grown to love this place. The staff. The quirks. The slightly odd wallpaper in my room.
Afternoon (Ferry Home): The ferry, again. This time, the sea was calmer. I sat on the deck. Looked back at Stromness. Made a vow to start taking more photos of the sea. And myself.
Evening (Home and Realization): Got home. Jetlagged. Exhausted. The world is bigger than I thought it was when I left. I’m so tired. But this was the best trip ever and nothing changes my mind.
Postscript (Because There Always is One):
Did everything go perfectly? God, no. Did I get lost? Multiple times. Did I miss my charger? Yes. Did I trip and nearly faceplant in front of a tour group? Possibly. Did I have a moment with a particularly aggressive seagull that nearly stole my sandwich? Absolutely. (He won). But would I trade this messy, imperfect, utterly human adventure for anything? Not on your life. Orkney. Stromness Hotel. I'll be back. And next time, I'm packing two chargers.
Escape to Paradise: Adults-Only Luxury at The Reef 28
So, what *is* this whole ‘FAQ’ thing anyway? Is it like, a club?
Okay, technically, it’s “Frequently Asked Questions.” But honestly, sometimes it feels more like “Frequently *Annoying* Questions,” especially when I'm the one answering them! Look, the idea is someone (me, in this case – unlucky you!) anticipates your queries and vomits up some responses beforehand. Saves us both time, supposedly. Though, based on my track record, more like *adds* time. Think of it like… a pre-emptive strike against your brain's incessant need to inquire. A messy, disorganized pre-emptive strike. And no, not a club. Unless you consider "People Who Probably Regret Asking Questions" to be a club. I might be the president.
Are you… qualified to answer these questions? Like, *at all*?
Hah! QUALIFIED. That’s a good one. Define “qualified.” I’ve got opinions. Strong ones. And I’ve spent approximately eleventy billion hours scrolling through the internet, so I KNOW a *lot* of stuff, even if I can’t always remember where I read it. Let's just say I'm qualified in the art of Winging It. The internet is my research library, Wikipedia is my PhD, and my ability to bullshit my way through anything is my… well, you get the picture. Probably not qualified. But hey, we're here, aren't we?
What's the most important thing to remember about… anything?
This is a tough one, right? Okay, *most* important? Let's see… the most important thing is probably… to *question everything*. Seriously. Because if you don't, you end up believing some *serious* nonsense. And trust me, I've believed some doozies in my life. I once convinced myself that tap water was secretly laced with mind-control chemicals (don't ask, it was a long week). So, question everything. Even this. Especially this. Also, maybe bring snacks.
Okay, real talk: What's the *worst* thing about all this?
The worst? Oh, easy. The *pretentiousness*. The sheer gall of trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about when, deep down, I'm just a slightly caffeinated monkey flinging knowledge around. I hate it. I hate the feeling of having to *force* a coherent thought when my brain is happily bouncing around like a pinball, off the walls. The fear of being "wrong," even though, let's be honest, I'm usually wrong. It's a constant battle, folks. A battle with myself. And you get to watch it unfold. Lucky you.
What's the *best* thing, then?
The best thing... hmm... Well, it's kind of the same as the worst, but in reverse. Getting to actually *think* about stuff. Digging in, wrestling with ideas, even if the wrestling match is mostly me against myself. The occasional spark of insight, the sudden connection, the feeling of, "Oh! Wait... maybe THIS is what it means!" That's exhilarating. It's like a mental roller coaster, even if it occasionally derails and crashes. And hey, I kinda like sharing the wreckage.
Do you ever get… tired of answering questions?
Oh, honey. Tired? I'm pretty sure I'm *biologically* exhausted. I think I am permanently tired of doing anything, and even more tired of having to *pretend* I'm not. But, it's like… when you get a dog. You know, that little scruffy mutt you swore you would *never* get? And then it scratches at the door, and you’re like, "Ugh, fine. Let me in." It's a duty. A slightly obnoxious, yet strangely rewarding, duty. And sometimes, occasionally, I get a response back that isn’t just a bot, and that, friends, is what makes the whole thing worthwhile.
What's a "quirky observation" you've made recently?
Okay, so I was in the grocery store the other day, right? And I was staring at the bananas. Just. Staring. And I realized… bananas are nature's perfect packaging! The peel, the shape, the way you can just *snap* it open and bam! Delicious potassium-y goodness. It's brilliant! Like, miles better than those individually wrapped apples that you have to peel. What is *that* even about? It's my new mission: Banana Awareness. We need more banana appreciation in this world. You hear me? More bananas!
Do you find it hard to stay focused?
Oh, *Lord*. Hard? It's a constant, internal battle. Picture this: I'm trying to concentrate, trying to formulate a coherent thought… and then BAM! A memory of that time I accidentally set my hair on fire while trying to make a candle appears, uninvited. Or the sudden, urgent desire to reorganize my sock drawer by color and then… by texture. It's a constant circus up there. I try to wrangle my thoughts back into the right shape. Sometimes, I win. Mostly, I lose. Ask me again tomorrow and the answer will undoubtedly still be the same.
Any advice for someone who feels completely lost?
Oh, I can *definitely* relate to lost. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt… probably lost the t-shirt. But seriously, when you're lost, the best thing you can do is… stop. Stop trying to force it. Stop with the "shoulds" and the "musts." Find a place you feel safe, even if it's just your own messy couch, and BREATHE. Then, askStarlight Inns
